How Do I Legally Disappear And Never Be Found?

People will tell you to leave your country, change your name, lose your personal items, join a foreign military, or go strand yourself on a far away island. None of that is necessary. If you want to disappear, I mean really disappear, it is easier than you think.

First, you have to dissolve your affiliations. Start by distancing yourself from friends and family. You do not want them putting out reports to police and social media. That gives people reason to look for you and at you. Just slowly back away from them, become more introverted and distant so that they just stop looking at you every day. You want them to not worry if they don’t hear from you for weeks, or months even.

Now, start dissolving your assets. Sell everything you have. Home? Get rid of it. If family asks why, tell them you are downsizing your life or something. Make sure your vehicle is paid off. Close out your retirement and banking accounts. Do a search with your state’s Secretary of State to see if there is any money or possessions in your name that they have in “recovery”. Collect on it. Close out your credit cards and pay off any outstanding debts you have. The key here is to get down to just all the cash you can muster, as little possession as you can live with, and no reason for anyone to need to come looking for you to pay or collect.

Start talking about traveling and make jokes about going backpacking through Europe and staying in hostels. Bring it up from time to time and how you might like to do that as a bucket list item. If you disappear one day, it will be the first thing people think of, laugh about, and they will not go looking for you, at least not right away. It will buy you time to get buried in to your new obscure life.

Now, the hardest thing to do…get offline. Closing down social media accounts can run up red flags. Don’t close your Facebook account, just stop posting to it and stop logging into it regularly. You don’t want people to look for you and closing sites like Instagram and Facebook send up red flags and people start asking questions. However, backing off of them and not posting as much can be explained easily as just living more offline, which is something people talk about doing all the time. Now, they will just think you are taking those steps and not worry about you, heck they might even praise you for it. The fools.

Now, if you have a job, here is where you have to make a choice. If you have vacation time, you might take it all and just never come back. That would send up some HR red flags, but they won’t go looking for you. They will just curse you and replace you. Your coworkers will probably be concerned for a bit, but tell them something like how you reconsidered that Europe trip and not to worry. They will leave you alone almost immediately and most of them will just forget about you…except when they tell stories over cake in the break room of that crazy whatshisname that just up and left one day.

Where to go? Where to go? That’s the million dollar question. And it turns out that staying in your home country is the easiest place to get lost and forgotten about. If you are in a foreign country or deserted island, there will most likely be some form of customs that you will have to dodge all the while. In your home country, it is not illegal to be homeless. Besides the occasional vagrancy law in some small places, you can just go about anywhere and be no one that nobody gives a crap about now. As long as you spend a dollar here and there or stay in a hotel from time to time (bathe stupid), you should be pretty easy to overlook.

Travel the country and find that small out of the way place that you can just be forgotten about and plant yourself. Christopher Knight, at the ripe old age of 20, took off just like this one day and was never seen again. Well, he wasn’t seen again for 27 years anyway. That is how long he lived alone in the wilderness in New England before his need to sneak into town and steal stuff he needed got the attention of some local cops and they hunted him down. So, learn from that…don’t be a thief because you will draw attention to yourself. Or at least don’t steal anything that someone will miss, if that is possible.

I am sure you are ready now to close this post, pack up your belongings, and head for the winter wilderness. Don’t forget to pack a change of underwear and best luck in your travels.

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